Now if you had of asked me 6 months ago, heck even 3 months ago if I thought I was an "enabler" of would of said NO WAY!!!! After all, I know what an enabler is, I know the lingo....right???? WRONG.
I am so an enabler....LOL
I thought I was being a "good Christian wife"....being there for worse, waiting for the better. Waiting for a miracle, doing what I thought was my part. HA!!!! All I was doing was interfering, manipulating my surroundings (trying to).
I had not realized how much of my day, my life, was occupied with trying to control an alcoholic..... after all, if I could control the situation, then perhaps I could control whether or not he drank...... and if I could control if he drank, then I could control whether or not if he came home, and if he came home would there being fighting.......stupid girl Cindy, stupid girl.... O.K. maybe not stupid......naive maybe.... uneducated.
I am so striving to "LET GO & LET GOD"..... easy in theory.... I have 17 years of enabling to shed.
I know that with God's help I will..... He has supplied all the tools necessary for me to do that, I just need to locate and access them. I may even attend an Al-Anon meeting, who knows.
It's all good.... it is amazing to look back at something that now has a light shining on it. It is so clear.
Oh My Goodness...... It has just dawned on me.... ('ding' goes a light bulb); I have been saying (quite forcefully) to my family and friends that I can deal with anything, just as long as I understand it..... I could do hard labour because I understood the process of delivery (a baby).... well I get it now, I can deal with my next level of healing because I understand what is wrong.... WOW!!!!
I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO LET GO AND LET GOD HEAL CINDY.... and let husband worry about husband (don't worry, I still pray for him, that he will allow God to shine light into his life, that God would send His angels to hold back the darkness and allow His light to shine.)
Whew!!! thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you this day :0)