Pages

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Me... an Enabler....no way!!!! REALLY?

Now if you had of asked me 6 months ago, heck even 3 months ago if I thought I was an "enabler" of would of said NO WAY!!!! After all, I know what an enabler is, I know the lingo....right???? WRONG.
I am so an enabler....LOL
I thought I was being a "good Christian wife"....being there for worse, waiting for the better. Waiting for a miracle, doing what I thought was my part. HA!!!! All I was doing was interfering, manipulating my surroundings (trying to).
I had not realized how much of my day, my life, was occupied with trying to control an alcoholic..... after all, if I could control the situation, then perhaps I could control whether or not he drank...... and if I could control if he drank, then I could control whether or not if he came home, and if he came home would there being fighting.......stupid girl Cindy, stupid girl.... O.K. maybe not stupid......naive maybe.... uneducated.
I am so striving to "LET GO & LET GOD"..... easy in theory.... I have 17 years of enabling to shed.
I know that with God's help I will..... He has supplied all the tools necessary for me to do that, I just need to locate and access them. I may even attend an Al-Anon meeting, who knows.
It's all good.... it is amazing to look back at something that now has a light shining on it. It is so clear.
Oh My Goodness...... It has just dawned on me.... ('ding' goes a light bulb); I have been saying (quite forcefully) to my family and friends that I can deal with anything, just as long as I understand it..... I could do hard labour because I understood the process of delivery (a baby).... well I get it now, I can deal with my next level of healing because I understand what is wrong.... WOW!!!!
I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO LET GO AND LET GOD HEAL CINDY.... and let husband worry about husband (don't worry, I still pray for him, that he will allow God to shine light into his life, that God would send His angels to hold back the darkness and allow His light to shine.)
Whew!!! thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you this day :0) Pin It

2 comments:

  1. Wow. That's a very heartfelt post, Cindy. You were very honest. I will pray for you and your husband to have freedom.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cindy...how wonderful that you have learned such a valuable lesson. You have broken the chains that bound you..and now will begin to see GOD work in mighty ways.

    I don't know if you are a reader, but I just finished a wonderful book called BOUNDARIES, by John Trent and Keven Cloud (i think those are the authors). It is great book for helping you better undersand where you have been, what you are now going through, and how to heal. Maybe that's why God led me to your blog tonight to share this book with you.

    The key is you are seeing how you are responsible to GOD for your own healing and not FOR the healing of anyone else in your life.

    God bless you!
    Lorena

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for taking the time from your busy life to visit me.
I love to hear your thoughts, so please share them with me.
I will try to respond as quickly as I can.
And remember... DON'T BE A NORELY@BLOGGER
Be Blessed and have an awesome day.